Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Giving Feedback... to your Child

I just attended a two-day management training on managing staff at work - and one of the topics was on giving feedback to your team members. I learned the SBI technique of giving feedback - especially for those times when the team member has done something that's more negative than positive. The SBI technique is using the following steps to frame and analyze the situation:

  1. S - Describe the Situation
  2. B - Identify the Behavior
  3. I - Explain the Impact
This got me thinking about other ways to use the technique. One can use it in the work place, in a social environment, or even at home. It then hit me that I have been using the SBI technique to talk to K whenever she exhibits naughty (I prefer to use the word "naughty" over "bad") behavior. Although K is only 2 1/2, I believe she understand a lot more than she lets on - and so I've been treating her more like a bigger kid than the toddler that she is.

Recently, she took her cousin's bubble toy and did not want to return it, claiming it was hers. As it was starting to become a heated argument between a 2 year old and a 3 year old --- an argument that is sure to end in the meltdown of at least 1 child --- I stepped in, pulled out K, and started talking to her.
  1. S - I explained to K that the toy was her cousin's and that she had her own bubble toy.
  2. B - I told her that she took the toy from her cousin, and did not want to share.
  3. I - I then told her that her cousin now feels sad, because she had no toy. She will also probably not want to play with K anymore if K does not share the toy with her.
I had to repeat this several times, while K kept insisting the toy was hers, very close to tears. This took all of ten minutes, until she calmed down. When I saw she had calmed down, I asked her again to return the toy to her cousin. She slowly returned the toy to her cousin. I thanked her for returning the toy to her cousin. I was happy that I somehow got through to her - and I hope that the through constant repetition of this type of "feedback" - we will avoid harsher punishments/reprimands.

How do you talk to your child about naughty behavior?

1 comment:

  1. I will try this, thanks for sharing!