K's Point of View: Sorry does the job

Tonight K spilled water on the bed - not just on her bed - but on OUR bed, the bed all of us sleeps in. We had to change the sheets, and the mattress protector. I wasn't happy about it, but I held my tongue.
I survey the mess quietly - not saying a word.

K: I'm sorry, Mommy.
Me: Next time, you have to be more careful.
K: Ok Mommy.

As I survey the mess, the rare nagger in me pops out.

Me: K, see what you've done... now we have to change everything.
K: But I said sorry already, Mom....

I shut up until all the sheets are replaced.

Me: K, do you think when you say sorry, everything will be ok?
K: Yes.
Me: Why?
K: Because I said sorry already - why do you get angry at me two times?

For the second time tonight, I got shut up by a three year old.

Me: Ok, K, I forgive you; but when you say sorry, you also have to know what you did wrong and try not to do it again.

I just have to have the last word. I have to admit though, tonight was a simple lesson in forgiving and forgetting.

Precious to me: Once a upon a time...

Once upon a time, a little girl, K, loved reading bedtime stories before going to bed. Her mommy and daddy loved listening to her start the story in her little girl diction... She always started stories with "Pan-a-pan-a-time...." This made her mommy and daddy smile.
K is now 3years old and last night, while reading a story, daddy started with, "Pan-a-pan-a-time...." To which she replied, "No daddy, it's once upon a time."
Oh dear, for while mommy and daddy are proud of her, it leaves a little twinge on her mommy and daddy's heart to see her growing up so fast.

K's Point of View: Like who?

Confession: I am one of those parents who allow my child to watch tv while eating. Before I had kids, I said I will not allow this habit. Around 10months into K's childhood... I gave in. I have various reasons  for allowing it - but deep inside me, I have convinced myself that she will outgrow this by the time she's five. I have 2 years to go, so help me God.

The other day, she was again having dinner at her small table... but the TV was turned off (Yippeee). I always take those opportunities to let her know how pleased I am.

Me: K, that's very good, you're having dinner without watching TV.
K: Yes Mom... because you know, your eyes will come out (with matching gesture of eyes coming out).
Me: Your eyes will come out?
K: Yes - yaya told me if you watch tv all the time, your eyes will come out.

Intermission: My grandma has had one eyeball removed, due to a bout with a brain tumor more than twenty years ago. K is a bit scared of her. When K refers to eyes coming out, I always assume she's referring to my grandmom. And I always take that chance to tell her about grandma's sickness.

Me: Oh, okay. So your eyes will come out, huh?
K: Yes (eyebrows going up and down, hand gesturing that her eyes will pop out.)
Me: And when your eyes come out, you will be like who? (in my mind, she will say "thay-mah" - or my maternal grandmother)
K: (with her mouth full) pungeponge sparepants.
Me: Who?
K: Pungeponge Sparepants!

Oh ok. At least watching TV has taught her NOT to watch too much TV.

K's Point of View: It's hot

Part 2 of the transportation series:

While reading a Dora book with a hot air balloon...

Me: K, would you like to ride a hot air balloon?
K: No.
Me: Why?
K: Because it's hot (eh).

Giving Feedback... to your Child

I just attended a two-day management training on managing staff at work - and one of the topics was on giving feedback to your team members. I learned the SBI technique of giving feedback - especially for those times when the team member has done something that's more negative than positive. The SBI technique is using the following steps to frame and analyze the situation:

1. S - Describe the Situation
2. B - Identify the Behavior
3. I - Explain the Impact

This got me thinking about other ways to use the technique. One can use it in the work place, in a social environment, or even at home. It then hit me that I have been using the SBI technique to talk to K whenever she exhibits naughty (I prefer to use the word "naughty" over "bad") behavior. Although K is only 2 1/2, I believe she understand a lot more than she lets on - and so I've been treating her more like a bigger kid than the toddler that she is.

Recently, she took her cousin's bubble toy and did not want to return it, claiming it was hers. As it was starting to become a heated argument between a 2 year old and a 3 year old --- an argument that is sure to end in the meltdown of at least 1 child --- I stepped in, pulled out K, and started talking to her.

1. S - I explained to K that the toy was her cousin's and that she had her own bubble toy.
2. B - I told her that she took the toy from her cousin, and did not want to share.
3. I - I then told her that her cousin now feels sad, because she had no toy. She will also probably not want to play with K anymore if K does not share the toy with her.

I had to repeat this several times, while K kept insisting the toy was hers, very close to tears. This took all of ten minutes, until she calmed down. When I saw she had calmed down, I asked her again to return the toy to her cousin. She slowly returned the toy to her cousin. I thanked her for returning the toy to her cousin. I was happy that I somehow got through to her - and I hope that the through constant repetition of this type of "feedback" - we will avoid harsher punishments/reprimands.

How do you talk to your child about naughty behavior?

Sugar and spice and everything nice...

I grew up in a a non-"touchy feely" family environment. We don't hug nor kiss each other - not parents to children, children to parents... or even worse (horrors)... sibling to sibling! Probably the only family member whom I got most kisses from would be my youngest brother - and that's just because we were 9 years apart, and I was actually old enough to remember when he first came out as a baby. And babies are always kissable, right? 

Not only are we not touchy feely - we also are not expressive, even with words. We don't say I love you out loud to each other. It's not to say we don't - we just are not comfortable with it. At most - we would put "love, so and so" on the annual birthday and christmas card (or email) - and I am sure we all meant it, when we said so.

Fast forward to today - I am now raising a daughter almost two and half years old. I am proud to say that somehow - she's turning out to be very expressive with her feelings. Is it because she's a girl? And all girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice? Or it could be because my husband and I have never been shy to show affection in front of her as well. Whatever it is, I am proud that she's turning out the way she is!

Here are some of the signs that seem to say she's going to turn out to be a very affectionate little girl.

Sign #1 In the mornings, my husband is usually still in bed when I leave for work. K would be awake by then, and I would take her with me for her to have breakfast. I'd always kiss my husband on the forehead before leaving, and say "bye hon...." Recently, K has also started doing the same thing... and she's got the routine down pat... down to the "bye hon."

Sign #2 The other night, before going to bed, we called up her dad who was in Batangas. After chatting for a few minutes, I said it was time for her to say goodnight. While staring at her dad's caller id picture, she said in a very sweet voice "dude [good] night papa... i wub [love] you."

Sign #3 As she was seated on her potty... she suddenly said "I kiss you mommy..." and held my face with her lips pursed. And after that sweet kiss... I also get an "i wub you."

A kiss, a hug, and an "i wub you..." - these are the simple, priceless treasures of being parents. I wouldn't exchange these for anything in this world.

"i wub you, baby"

^^^^^^^ August 3, 2011 ^^^^^^^^^

Tonight - sign #4 came - while slathering lotion on to my belly - K kisses my belly and says "i wub you, baby." At 37 weeks and a few days, baby number 2 gets assurance from big sister that he/she is definitely loved!

 

Kissing the 1 week old Baby S

Originally posted on July 30, 2011.