Precious to me: Once a upon a time...

Once upon a time, a little girl, K, loved reading bedtime stories before going to bed. Her mommy and daddy loved listening to her start the story in her little girl diction... She always started stories with "Pan-a-pan-a-time...." This made her mommy and daddy smile.
K is now 3years old and last night, while reading a story, daddy started with, "Pan-a-pan-a-time...." To which she replied, "No daddy, it's once upon a time."
Oh dear, for while mommy and daddy are proud of her, it leaves a little twinge on her mommy and daddy's heart to see her growing up so fast.

Papa, can I ask you something?

If my papa were healthy and alive today, he would be turning 54 years old today. It's not the ripe, old age of 54... because 54 is young. He would be young enough to carry my two girls, play with them and spoil them like grandfather's do. I grew up with a grandfather figure - my father's dad doted on me (I shamelessly admit that) - and I feel sad that my daughters will grow up not knowing a grandfather figure (my husband's father has passed on as well).

Now that I have daughters of my own - I really wish that my dad were still alive so that I can ask questions about my own infant and toddler years. How similar or different were our experiences in rearing up daughters? If he were alive today, these are some of the questions I would have asked him:

1. When did you find out you were going to have me?
2. How did you feel the day I was born?
3. When was the first time you carried me?
4. Did you feed me milk? Change my diapers? Washed my poop?
5. How did you play with me as a baby?
6. What did you do that made me smile? Laugh? Cry?
7. Who did you think I looked like?
8. What were the things we liked to do together?
9. What were the dreams you had for me when I was a baby? When I was 1? 2?
10. Was I as you expected me to be?
11. Can you tell me anecdotes of my infant/toddler years?
12. What were the things I said that made you smile?
13. How different/similar was I to Shobe?
14. Did you like having two girls?

Papa, it would have been wonderful to exchange notes, talk about the girls, and let you experience having little girls once again since Shobe and I are both all grown up. It would have been wonderful to give you back the experience of going back in time... seeing us again when we were small. Now, you can only do this from afar - and I do hope you are watching over my two girls like a guardian grandfather. I hope you enjoy watching them grow up - seeing their beautiful smiles, relishing their bubbly laughter, and chuckling over their little girl antics. Happy birthday, Papa! My two girls and I wish you were here to celebrate it with us.

Mommy's Turn

My daughter and me - bonding before bedtime...

Recently, my daughter has started using this expression to mean that she wants mommy to do whatever it is that needs to be done (in relation to her) at that time. These activities range from holding her hand to walk with her - to taking her to the bathroom to pee - to washing her cute little bum, when she had done more than peeing! When she utters "mommy's turn na!", this mommy's heart turn into little pieces and I literally do anything to be able to accommodate her request. Needless to say, I would bend over backwards for my little girl - just because I know there is no such thing as spending too much time with her.

When she was first born - no matter how busy I would get in the office, I would aim to get home by 7pm - from then on, the care for her was almost entirely mine - until I needed to go back to work again the next day. I would feed her (I directly breastfed her) and put her to bed. In between that - I change diapers, clean up poop and/or spit ups, play storyteller, act goofy, sing off key, kiss booboos... the list is never ending. During the course of her 1st 18 months - K and I were pretty much on our own for about 3 weekday nights a week, while her daddy is out of town some days of the week. Sometimes, one of the two grannies will be with me for an hour or two to help out, but at the end of the evening, it was always K and I who will hit the sack together, cuddling each other to sleep.

In a way, I think K got spoiled with all this attention. The question is - is there really such a thing as spoiling a child with attention? Today, as she is able to better express herself through words and actions, she is becoming more demanding of my time. In the mornings, I cannot leave for the office without K sitting on my lap, leaning on my chest sleepily, wanting to be hugged just a little bit more. These days, she knows to say "no" when I say I need to leave for work. When I get home from work, she is all over me as I have dinner - playing with my hair, hugging me from behind, or just babbling illegible sentences with "mommy" interspersed into them. She has reached the stage when saying goodbyes are not as easy as they used to be.

We have our share of misunderstandings - a 34 year old and a toddler! I am constantly correcting her or telling her not to do certain things. She's not always happy when I do that. When I saw she has started to understand my instructions - I started giving her short time outs whenever she wilfully disobeys my instructions. Both of us exhibit the eldest child syndrome (because we both are) - or maybe it's the stubbornness in us (she was born in the year of the ox, under the sign of aries; i was born in the year of the snake, under the sign of Taurus). We always spend the first few minutes of our "misunderstanding" not talking to each other doing our own thing - and then we both melt, and then kiss and make up. At this age, I can see my daughter has an implicit sense of awareness about emotions - she knows when she has made me feel bad, and uses her charms to win me back.

I am selfishly happy with all this. I know this will not last forever. My little girl will grow up and will want to do other things without me. She will want to be free from my watchful eyes. But all those are things of tomorrow - what's important is today. Today, she's all mine - and she wants it to be my turn. Oh, how I cherish today!

"Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. To him we cannot answer 'Tomorrow,' his name is today." - Gabriela Mistral


Originally written on July 22, 2011.